If Harry Potter and Glee had Facebook
by cheesynachos3
Summary: The HP and Glee character have some weird conversations on Facebook. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just an idea of the Harry Potter and Glee characters having Facebook. **

**Luna Lovegood **just saw Harry Potter 7 and it was awesome!

**Hermione Granger-**Told you so, Luna.

**Ron Weasley-**Yeah but, Malfoy spent half of that time blabbing on about how 'amazing' he is in the film.

**Draco Malfoy-**What? It's not my fault I like talking about myself and anyway I like HP.

**Brittany Pierce-**I swear I saw unicorns in the film...

**Kurt Hummel-**This is awkward...

**Harry Potter-**Hold up, Malfoy. You're one of my fans? Wow, small world.

**Ginny Weasley-**Hold up. You value Harry Potter more than shagging every damn woman on this planet?

**Draco Malfoy-**It's tots not my fault! Yes, I value HP more than shagging girls, Weaslette.

**Ginny Weasley-***headdesk*

**Ginny Weasley-**Ow.

**Mercedes Jones-**Ginny, that was stupid.

**Ginny Weasley-**Don't think I've only just realised.

...

**Draco Malfoy **has just realised he's a prick!

**Lavender Brown-**What?! Have you only just realised?! You FUCKING prick!

(**Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley **and 6 others like this)

**Ginny Weasley-**That makes you Malfoy, Lav.

**Cho Chang-**Does actually fit, you know.

**Hermione Granger-**And Neville is Harry!

**Neville Longbottom-**Wait, why am I Harry?

**Ron Weasley-**Cause you're the boy who lived.

**Harry Potter-**OMG RON!

**Noah Puckerman-**Why are we even talking about this?

**Kurt Hummel-**Puck, we're typing not talking. TYPING!

**Neville Longbottom-**Did you just say that I'm Harry Potter because I'm a retard?

**Draco Malfoy-**Dude, are you seriously arguing with that? You just got compared to Harry Bloody Potter!

**Neville Longbottom-**Point taken *shuts up*

**Hermione Granger-**I win. :D

**Luna Lovegood-**Oh my God, Harry is Colin Creevey!

(**Draco Malfoy, Cho Chang **and 5 others like this)

**Ginny Weasley-**Awww, that's so cute!

**Harry** **Potter**-NO. DON'T START.

**Quinn Fabray-**That's is so cute, Harry...I mean Colin.

**Harry Potter-**SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

...

**Quinn Fabray **and **Harry Potter **are in a relationship

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky.

**Harry Potter-**Shut up!

**Draco Malfoy-**WANKY!

**Harry Potter-**Please shut up!

**Hermione Granger-**Malfoy, do you even know what 'wanky' means?

**Draco Malfoy****-**No but...WANKY!

**Harry Potter-**Can someone please tell Malfoy and Santana to stop typing WANKY all the effing time...

**Santana Lopez-**WANKYWANKYWANKY! No one listens to you, Potty.

**Ron Weasley-**She's got a point you know.

**Santana Lopez-**Told you! WANKY.

**Finn Hudson-**Rachel is now dating the fucking prick again!

**Santana Lopez-**WANKY.

...

**Rachel Berry **and **Jesse **are in a relationship.

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Dislike.

**Draco Malfoy-**Dislike.

**Ginny Weasley-**Dislike.

**Ron Weasley-**Dislike.

**Blaine Anderson-**Dislike.

**Kurt Hummel-**Dislike.

**Mercedes Jones-**Dislike.

**Mike Chang-**Dislike.

**Hermione Granger-**Dislike.

**Harry Potter-**This is so uncool...

**Noah Puckerman-**I thought she dumped that two-faced, Vocal Adrenaline prick..

**Rachel Berry-**Ummm...I am here you know.

...

**Brittany Pierce **is high on bubbles.

**Hermione Granger-**How did you get high on bubbles? It's not possible.

**Brittany Pierce-**They make me float! :)

**Hermione Granger-**Brittany, bubbles can't make you float. :v

(**Quinn Fabray **likes this)

...

**Ron Weasley **and **Lavender Brown **are in a relationship.

**Draco Malfoy-**You've got to be fucking kidding me..

**Santana Lopez-**TOTAL WANKY!

**Ron Weasley-**...

**Luna Lovegood-**This is weird..

**Hermione Granger-**More weird than Brittany saying she's high on bubbles?

**Luna Lovegood-**Yup.

**Quinn Fabray-**I LOVE YOU HARRY POTTER!

**Santana Lopez-**Calm down!

**Draco Malfoy-**Can someone give me Rachel's password so I can hack into her account?

**Kurt Hummel-**Why? :p

**Draco Malfoy****-**Cause I wanna do something. Just give me the password, lady lips!

...

**Rachel Berry-**I'm feeling horny!

**Noah Puckerman-**So am I baby!

**Finn Hudson-**...the fuck?

**Hermione Granger-**Honestly?

**Santana Lopez-**WTF

**Harry Potter-**I'm just not gonna ask..

**Rachel Berry-**I luv you, Puck!

**Noah Puckerman-**I'm so turned on right now.

**Ron Weasley-**Oh, please, I've just eaten.

**Santana Lopez-**MAJOR WANKY!

**Kurt Hummel-**Santana, shut up!

**Draco Malfoy-**WANKY!

**Kurt Hummel-**Malfoy, shut up!

**Rachel Berry-**Who hacked into my account?!

**Draco Malfoy-**Ooops, soz, Berry, it was me. Don't kill me!

**Kurt Hummel-**You're so busted, Malfoy.

**Ron Weasley-**It's most likely that Rachel will come to your house with a rolling pin and kill you. That's my prediction.

**Draco Malfoy-**But I'm a wizard, so I can just hex her.

**Santana Lopez-***sarcasticly* Well you don't say!

(**Lavender Brown, Mercedes Jones **and 10 others like this)

...

**Ron Weasley **has changed his relationship status to 'single'.

**Kurt Hummel-**I take it didn't work out.

**Draco Malfoy-**Aw, poor Weaslebee! :(

**Ron Weasley-**Get lost, Malfoy!

**Hermione Granger-**I told Ron it wouldn't work out and he didn't listen to me, as usual.

**Quinn Fabray-**Shame. :( I thought they made a cute couple.

**Draco Malfoy-***facepalm*

**Santana Lopez-***facepalm*

**Harry Potter-***facepalm*

**Brittany Pierce-**What's a facepalm?

...

**Sam Evans-**I love you Quinn!

**Draco Malfoy-**Um, you know she's dating Harry now?

**Santana Lopez-**Trouty mouth is mine, people!

**Brittany Pierce-**What's going on?

**Mercedes Jones-**Santana, stop flirting with my boyfriend on Facebook!

**Ron Weasley-**I didn't know you and Sam were dating. Small world.

**Santana Lopez-**Shut up, fato.

**Hermione Granger-**Every time I come online, you people are always arguing about something. :(

**Draco Malfoy-**You know that Quinn cheated on Sam with Finn then she broke up with him and started dating Harry.

**Quinn Fabray-**What?

**Finn Hudson-**Feeling very uncomfortable right now.

**Luna Lovegood-**Same.

**Noah Puckerman-**O_O

**Brittany Pierce-**Why does Puck like owl eyes?

...

**Mercedes Jones **is now single.

**Draco Malfoy-**I'm so sorry, Cedes.

(**Quinn Fabray, Hermione Granger **and 10 others like this.)

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Mike and I are getting married! :) :)

**Kurt Hummel-**Awkward.

**Harry Potter-**Dislike.

**Hermione Granger-**I'm so happy for you, Tina!

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Thanks, Mione.

**That's the end of the first part. I've started editing the second chapter, so don't read the old version. Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to let you all know that I'm now updating 'The life of Taylor Malfoy-year one' every Sunday morning or afternoon. Please enjoy this chapter. The weird conversation is still going on. :)**

**Padma Patil **and **Ron Weasley **are now friends.

**Ginny Weasley-**Do you even know her, Ron?

**Ron Weasley-**Yeah, she went to the Yule Ball with me, remember?

**Ginny Weasley-**Oh yeah, but you refused to dance with her because you were jealous that Hermione went with that Bulgarian dude, Viktor Krum.

**Ron Weasley-**GINNY!

**Noah Puckerman-**O_O

...

**Hermione Granger **thinks that **Harry Potter **should be Gilderoy Lockheart.

**Harry Potter-**Okay, that's OFFENSIVE.

**Hermione Granger-**What? What's wrong with Lockheart? He's dreamy...

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky.

**Ron Weasley-**WTF

**Harry Potter-**I wish I had my wand with me right now..

**Hermione Granger-***lost in thought about Gilderoy Lockheart*

**Draco Malfoy-**THE GUY IS A BIG FAT PRICK.

**Harry Potter-**Told you 'Mione! At least someone agrees with me.

**Ron Weasley-**Hey, Harry! I agree with you!

**Harry Potter-**...

**Brittany Pierce-**...

...

**Hermione Granger **and **Padma Patil **are now friends.

**Harry Potter-**Oh God. Not you too Hermione.

**Hermione Granger-**As being a complete smart-ass it would be very rude not to have Padma as a friend and anyway she's in our house.

**Santana Lopez-**That's really nice to know.

**Harry Potter-**Okay...

**Neville Longbottom-**Does that make Goyle Snape? You know...the evil Potions Master?

**Seamas** **Finnegan**-Whoa...

**Hermione Granger-**Yes, it does.

...

**Hermione Granger-Ron Weasley-**Personally, I think Harry would make a perfect Ginny Weasley.

**Harry Potter-**I'M SORRY BUT...WHAT?

**Ron Weasley-**Hermione, you're right! Harry does make a perfect Ginny Weasley!

**Harry Potter-**True, aside from the fact I'M NOT A GIRL!

**Quinn Fabray-**Who's Ginny?

**Ron Weasley-**My little sis, who's got a crush on Harry.

**Harry Potter-**RON!

**Draco Malfoy-**Dude, you have anger issues...Just saying.

**Luna Lovegood-**Wait, who am I again?

**Seamas Finnegan-**Oh crap, if Harry is gonna be Ginny then we gotta think something out for Luna!

**Hermione Granger-**Ummm...Luna can be...herself.

**Luna Lovegood-**YAY!

**Harry Potter-***face-palm*

**Brittany Pierce-**Please can someone tell me what a facepalm is?

...

**Padma Patil **and **Cho Chang **are now friends.

**Padma Patil-**Hi Hermione!

**Cho Chang-**Hi Tonks!

**Harry Potter-**Seriously?

...

**Lavender Brown-**Who am I?

**Ron Weasley-**Ummm...you can be Molly Weasley.

**Lavender Brown-**If you say that because I have problems with anger, I will collar you RON WEASLEY!

**Ron Weasley-**Think about it, Lav! You and Molly are nearly the same. It's perfect for you.

**Mercedes Jones-**I'm saying nothing.

**Harry Potter-**Don't kill me but Ron's right.

**Lavender Brown-**OH MY GOD. I'M YOUR MOM!

**Ron Weasley-**:) Which means you're the mother of Harry, Fred and Seamas, which entitles you to hit the three of them any time you like.

**Lavender Brown-**Watch out, you three!

**Ginny Weasley-**Wait? Didn't you go out with Ron then he dumped you in hospital because he murmured Hermione's name?

**Ron Weasley-**Ginny, you had to mention that didn't you?

**Ginny Weasley-**Soz...

**Rachel Berry-**Ginny, you enjoy blurting out random stuff, don't you?

**Ginny Weasley-**Yeah...

**Harry Potter-**I'm gonna facebook Snape...

**Hermione Granger-**Really Harry? Professor Snape? Have you forgotten? Snape is dead you idiot!

**Harry Potter-***face-palm* *headdesk*

**Brittany Pierce-**Hold on, wizards have facebook now?

**Ron Weasley-**I'm just gonna pretend Brittany didn't ask that..

**Harry Potter-**Same...

...

**Cho Chang-**I'M HERMIONE!

**Draco Malfoy-**Okay, calm down! Potter's ex-girlfriend...

**Harry Potter-**Okay, that's OFFENSIVE!

**Draco Malfoy-**What's so offensive about it?

**Kurt Hummel-**Wait, Cho, you went out with Harry?

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky.

**Quinn Fabray-**How many girls have you dated Harry?

**Harry Potter-**Why are you asking me all these questions?

**Kurt Hummel-**Because...

**Santana Lopez-**O_O

**Luna Lovegood-**Hey Malfoy, I wanna tell you something.

**Draco Malfoy-**What, Loony?

**Luna Lovegood-**Here it is...YOUR MOTHER IS A**************ANU************************LAUREN IPSUM********************ADMITUM VENIUM*************************HIPPOPOTAMUS********************REPUBLICAN********************DANIEL RADCLIFFE******************WITH A BUCKET OF ****************************IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU ***********************SOUP*********************WITH A BUCKET OF ****************MICKEY MOUSE******************A STICK OF DYNAMITE********************MAGICAL************************************** ALACAZAM!

**Draco Malfoy-**...

**Harry Potter-**THE ELDER SWEAR LUNA!

**Santana Lopez-**What the...

**Finn Husdon-**That was the longest swear ever! :)

**Kurt Hummel-**This is the most randomest thing ever..

**Ron Weasley-**Hahaha!WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!

**Rachel Berry-**Stop spamming my notifications!

**Santana Lopez-**Shut it, Berry. Before I go all Lima Heights on your ass!

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Calm down, Santan.

**Draco Malfoy-**I swear, you have anger issues. I'm typing about Santana.

...

**Noah Puckerman **is sending **Rachel Berry **very random messages.

**Rachel Berry-**Puck, please stop saying you love me!

**Luna Lovegood-**O_O

**Noah Puckerman-**Oh come on, Berry. You know you have the hots for me.

(**Brittany Pierce **likes this)

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Complete dislike.

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky.

**Ron Weasley-**If she says that one more time, I'm gonna rip her throat out.

**Rachel Berry-**I'M DATING JESSE!

**Quinn Fabray-**Really? You should have said something. *sarcastic*

...

**Blaine Anderson **and **Kurt Hummel **are in a relationship.

**Draco Malfoy-**Awwwww

**Noah Puckerman-**Finally, the Klaine ship has set sail. :p

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Dislike.

**Kurt Hummel-**Tina, why did you dislike that comment?

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Because when you were in New York, Blaine was lonely and he caught a cold so I rubbed some vix on his chest and then fell asleep with him...

**Kurt Hummel-**WHAT?!

**Harry Potter-**This isn't going to end well...

**Hermione Granger **likes this.

**Draco Malfoy-**Tina, you're so dead right now!

**Blaine Anderson-**Hey, guys. What's going on?

**Harry Potter-**Kurt is mad at Tina because she said she rubbed vix on your chest when you caught a cold and Tina fell asleep with you. So that's what's going on.

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**I still love you, Blaine!

**Noah Puckerman-**Am I missing something here?

**Kurt Hummel-**I'm going to kill you, TINA COHEN-CHANG!

**Brittany Pierce **likes this.

**Blaine Anderson-**Brittany, why did you like that comment? :s

**Brittany Pierce-**I dunno...

**That's the end of part two. Part three is out soon. Please review. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back with another chapter. Please enjoy! :)**

**Kurt Hummel **has unfriended **Tina Cohen-Chang.**

**Harry Potter-**Dude, that's not cool.

**Kurt Hummel-**She slept with my boyfriend! :(

**Rachel Berry-**Yeah but, they didn't...you know...oh, you know what I mean.

**Draco Malfoy-**What just happened?

**Jesse St James-**I totally agree.

**Kurt Hummel-**Jesse, your not even my friend.

**Harry Potter-**Jesse, do us all a favour and just drop dead. Sooner rather than later.

**Ron Weasley-**I agree with Harry. Sorry :(

**Draco Malfoy-**I'll repeat again. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

**Rachel Berry-**Kurt deleted Tina as a friend because...you already know.

**Jesse St James-**And this is why I left McKinley.

(**Hermione Granger **and **Quinn Fabray **likes this)

...

**Rachel Berry-**Guys, me and Jesse have a announcement to make.

(**Brittany Pierce **logs off)

(**Quinn Fabray **logs off)

(**Santana Lopez **logs off)

**Draco Malfoy-**What's the announcement, man-hands?

**Finn Hudson-**Fingers crossed they have broke up.

**Rachel Berry-**Me and Jesse are breaking up because he cheated on me with some other girl.

(**Finn Hudson, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy **and 12 others like this)

**Ron Weasley-**YES!

**Draco Malfoy-**Thank God!

**Finn Hudson-**Which means Rachel and I can date again. :)

**Hermione Granger-**Um, Finn, no.

(**Mercedes Jones **likes this)

...

**Rachel Berry **and **Finn Hudson **are in a relationship.

**Santana Lopez-**Ew. Man hands and man boobs? No.

**Draco Malfoy-**I knew this was coming! :(

**Brittany Pierce-**Hey dolphin!

**Draco Malfoy-**What Britt Britt?

**Brittany Pierce-**You're a dolphin, you know they're like gay sharks. :)

**Draco Malfoy-**...

**Harry Potter-**I'm not even going ask what you're talking about.

**Draco Malfoy-**According to Brittany, I'm a dolphin which doesn't make sense.

**Rachel Berry-**Me and Finn are back TOGETHER!

**Santana Lopez-**DISLIKE!

**Ron Weasley-**Total dislike.

**Quinn Fabray-**Santana, get over it.

(**Hermione Granger **likes this)

...

**Noah Puckerman, Hermione Granger **and **Ginny Weasley **are in a relationship.

**Harry Potter-**Dude, how did that happen?

**Finn Hudson-**Two girls! Seriously?

**Brittany Pierce-**THREESOME!

**Cho Chang-**Brittany, that's totally inappropriate.

**Santana Lopez-***vomits*

**Quinn Fabray-**Two *cough* girls!

**Draco Malfoy-**WHATTTTTTTTTT!

**Ron Weasley-**I'd never though I'd type this but AWWWWW!

(**Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray **and 34 others like this)

**Rachel Berry-**Hi fellow Glee clubers, what did I miss?

**Santana Lopez-**Puck, smart-ass and ginger kid n.7 are a threesome.

**Rachel Berry-**Okay...

(**Brittany Pierce **likes this)

...

**Mercedes Jones-**I saw Kurt and Blaine crossing the road, holding hands!

(**Rachel Berry, Lavender Brown **and 7 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel-**We weren't holding hands! I was just helping Blaine cross the road.

**Draco Malfoy-**How old is he? 3?

**Santana Lopez-**What a lame excuse! You just said that cause you're embarrassed to show that you love him.

**Blaine Anderson-**He just helped me across the road. I swear on my goldfishes life!

**Ron Weasley-**Seriously? Your fucking goldfish?

**Mercedes Jones-**Santana is completely right. Who holds hands while walking across the road?

**Santana Lopez-**See, I'm an expert on love, cheating, and sex.

**Kurt Hummel-**Is that all?

**Santana Lopez-**Well what do you expect? that I'll be expert at sewing leg-warmers and ugly sweaters that will be suited for Man-hands and give flyers in front of a restaurant? Not cool.

**Rachel Berry-**Hey, how did I suddenly become the topic of this conversation?

**Draco Malfoy-**No idea.

**New part coming soon. Let me know what you think. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back with another chapter, sorry it's late. Please enjoy! :)**

**Brittany Pierce **wants a unicorn for her birthday.

**Harry Potter-**Britt, unicorns don't exist.

**Brittany Pierce-**Yes they do! I want mine to poop out cotton candy and jelly beans.

**Kurt Hummel-**Unicorns only exist in Harry Potter and fantasy, Brittany.

**Santana Lopez-**Leave Britt alone, unicorns are awesome.

**Hermione Granger-**Says who?

**Draco Malfoy-**Why a unicorn?

**Harry Potter-**I've been asking myself the same question for the past five minutes.

**Santana Lopez-**Shut it, Potty!

**Hermione Granger-**Guys, stop arguing all the fucking time!

**Harry Potter-**O_O

**Ron Weasley-**HERMIONE, YOU SWORE. *DIES*

**Draco Malfoy-**O_O

**Kurt Hummel-**O_O

**Quinn Fabray-**O_O

(**Brittany Pierce **likes this)

...

**Draco Malfoy **and **Santana Lopez **are in a relationship.

**Harry Potter-**Draco+Santana=BADASS COUPLE.

**Quinn Fabray-**This is awkward.

**Brittany Pierce-**A unicorn just appeared in my room. :)

(**Mercedes Jones **likes this)

**Kurt Hummel-**BRITTANY! FOR THE FIVE MILLION GAZILLION AZILLION TIME, UNICORNS DON'T EXIST!

**Santana Lopez-**Alright Lady Lips, calm down. You're not at a football match.

**Hermione Granger-**Once again, I've logged on and you're all arguing about something.

**Draco Malfoy-**Shut the fuck up, Granger!

**Hermione Granger-**Why don't you shut the fuck up for once in your fucking life!

(**Luna Lovegood, Blaine Anderson **and 14 others like this)

**Harry Potter-**O_O

**Kurt Hummel-**O_O

**Draco Malfoy-**Don't push it, Granger! My father will hear about this!

**Santana Lopez-**Come back to Facebook when you come up with something original to type. Thank you and have a nice day.

**Quinn Fabray-**Santan is right, you know.

**Draco Malfoy-**Shut ya mouth!

**Quinn Fabray-**Grrr

(**Mercedes Jones **likes this)

...

Today is **Blaine Anderson's **birthday!

**Kurt Hummel-**Happy birthday, my love. xxx

**Blaine Anderson-**Aww, thanks Kurt. xxx

**Draco Malfoy-**Happy B-DAY, Blaine. Boys night out, tonight. Yeah?

**Ron Weasley-**YEAH!

**Draco Malfoy-**Except you, Weaselbee.

**Harry Potter-**Draco, don't be tight!

**Draco Malfoy-**Did you just call me by my first name?

**Harry Potter-**Errr, yeah.

**Rachel Berry-**Hi guys!

**Draco Malfoy-**Sod off, Berry! This is a guy conversation!

**Rachel Berry-**I was just saying happy birthday to Blaine, geez.

**Blaine Anderson-**Thanks, Rachel.

**Draco Malfoy-**Now sod off, Berry!

(**Noah Puckerman **and **Santana Lopez **likes this)

...

**Brittany Pierce-**I like ducks. :)

**Kurt Hummel-**Okay...

**Draco Malfoy **is now single.

**Harry Potter-**Hahaha, told you it wouldn't work out. All you and Santana did was sha-

**Draco Malfoy-**Shut the fuck up, Potter!

**Quinn Fabray-**Congrats, Malfoy.

(**Cho Chang, Hermione Granger **and 12 others like this)

...

**Kurt Hummel **has friended **Tina Cohen-Chang **again.

**Harry Potter-**Finally...

**Santana Lopez-**Any more fights between fake stuttering Asian and Lady Lips and I'm gonna go all Lima Heights on all ya asses!

**Draco Malfoy-**What do you think is the perfect ship names for Rachel and all the dudes?

**Hermione Granger-**Pezberry.

**Ron Weasley-**Samchel.

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Cherry.

**Noah Puckerman-**For me and Rachel, Puckleberry.

**Finn Hudson-**That's good, I gotta admit.

**Jesse -**St. Berry

**Draco Malfoy-**Fuck off, Jesse!

**Brittany Pierce-********* to the ******** you mother ****** jackass ****** go **** yourself in a library with loads of ******* trolls you mother ****** and never come back!

(**Everyone **likes this except **Jesse **)

**Hermione Granger-**?

**Noah Puckerman-**O_O

**Sorry it's late, it's finding time since I've been really busy with school and homework. Please review. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it's** **taken so long to update, I've been focusing on my other Fanfictions and I got bored so I thought I'd update.**

**Draco Malfoy **is in a relationship.

**Draco Malfoy-**Finally found the love of my life. :)

**Hermione Granger-**I feel sorry for the person who has to put up with you.

**Draco Malfoy-**Actually, we're both very happy to have found one another.

**Kurt Hummel-**Let me guess. Pansy Parkinson?

**Draco Malfoy-**Nope, my new girlfriend is so much better.

**Santana Lopez-**Stop boasting, ferret and tell us who she is then we can give her an award for not throwing up.

**Draco Malfoy-**Ha ha, very funny Santan but I don't care.

**Harry Potter-**Just tell us who she is.

**Draco Malfoy-**Everyone, meet my new girlfriend.

**Apple-**Hey, I'm Draco's new girlfriend.

**Santana Lopez-**O.o

**Noah Puckerman-**What the fuck?

**Draco Malfoy-**She's gorgeous, isn't she?

**Santana Lopez-**You've finally lost it you nutter!

**Hermione Granger-**How is that even possible? Apples can't type! Apples can't talk!

**Kurt Hummel-**He's finally lost it, Hermione, that's what's going on.

**Santana Lopez-**You're mental! How the hell are you supposed to have sex?!

**Draco Malfoy-**Oh trust me, I often shag my beautiful apple :) all you have to do is cut a h-

**Kurt Hummel-**STOP TALKING PLEASE!

**Hermione Granger-**I think I'm gonna throw up...

**Apple-**Ignore them, Draco, they don't understand.

**Hermione Granger **ismad at **Draco Malfoy.**

**Hermione Granger-**I can't take this any more, Malfoy! Apple is now banned from lessons and if I see it, I'll eat it for you.

**Draco Malfoy-**Apple is not an 'it', she is a she! Just wait until my father hears about this!

**Quinn Fabray-**SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR FUCKING DAD BEFORE I RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!

(**Harry Potter, Santana Lopez **and 21 others like this)

**Lucius Malfoy-**I already have and I must say I find this whole affair somewhat disturbing.

**Harry Potter-**Disturbing? It's more than disturbing! What the hell has this world come to? I mean it's an apple for fuck sake!

**Draco Malfoy-**It's not just an 'apple'! She's the love of my life.

**Santana Lopez-**Draco, are you on fucking drugs?

**Lucius Malfoy-**If I end up with half fruit grandchild I'm going to kill myself.

(**Rachel Berry **has logged on)

**Rachel Berry-**Hey, guys what did I miss?

**Santana Lopez-**So basically, Draco is in love with a green apple and-

**Rachel Berry-**What?

**Santana Lopez-**...

**Rachel Berry-**...

**Santana Lopez-**...

(**Rachel Berry **logs off)

* * *

**Hermione Granger-**Honestly, Draco. Do you have to bring that apple with you EVERYWHERE?

**Draco Malfoy-**Granger! She's not just an apple!

**Hermione Granger-**Yes. It is.

**Draco Malfoy-**YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! NO ONE DOES!

**Hermione Granger-**Malfoy, you need to calm down. It's a fruit.

**Draco Malfoy-**You're clearly a vegetable person.

**Lord Voldemort-**Wow, so much drama! MTV should start a series on you people!

**Harry Potter-**Voldemort, why do you have Facebook?

**Lord Voldemort-**God, you're all so serious! I do have friends you know!

**Ron Weasley-***facepalm*

**Lord Voldemort-**This is why I hate Facebook worse than I hate The Boy Who Wouldn't Fucking Die!

**Santana Lopez-**Who the fuck is Lord Voldemort?!

**Harry Potter-***facepalm*

**Hermione Granger-***headdesk*

**Seamus Finnigan-**Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? How can you not know who Lord I Need A Nose Job Voldemort is?

(**Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom **and 12 other like this)

* * *

**Lord Voldemort-**Let's play a game! Change your profile picture to the person you love!

**Finn Hudson-**Rachel

**Draco Malfoy-**Apple

**Ron Weasley-**Hermione

**Harry Potter-**Quinn!

**Hermione Granger-**Harry!

**Ron Weasley-**Hermione?! How could you?! And Malfoy-WTF

**Santana**** Lopez-**Ferret

**Luna Lovegood-**Brittany!

**Brittany Pierce-**UNICORNS!

**Kurt Hummel-**Blaine! :)

**Blaine Anderson-**Kurt, obviously!

**Ginny Weasley-**Harry! I love you!

**Harry Potter-**I'm in love with someone else. *cough* Quinn *cough*

**Quinn Fabray-***smirks*

**Ginny Weasley-**NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**That's the end of the fifth chapter. Tune in for the next chapter coming soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next instalment. Please enjoy! :)**

**Harry Potter** is exhausted

**Harry Potter-**Dead exhausted.

**Ron Weasley-**From what, Harry? You've not even done anything today.

**Quinn Fabray-**It's not what tired him out, Ron, it's who tired him out.

**Mercedes Jones-**Is she saying what I think she's saying?

**Quinn Fabray-**Loud and clear, Mercedes. Of course, Harry was louder.

**Harry Potter-**Fuck you, Quinn, fuck you.

**Quinn Fabray-**You'd like that, wouldn't you.

* * *

**Harry Potter-**I whip my hair back and forth!

**Lord Voldemort-**Dislike

**Harry Potter-**What? Jealous that I have hair to whip?

**Lord Voldemort-**NO!

**Harry Potter-**Hey, I'm getting a nose piercing later, wanna come and get one too?"

**Lord Voldemort-**OOOHHH Can't sorry. It's my mothers birthday and I'm having dinner with my parents tonight. JEALOUS?!

**Santana Lopez**-PWNED

(**Rachel Berry, Sam Evans **and 11 others like this)

* * *

**Noah Puckerman **poked **Draco Malfoy**

**Draco Malfoy-**WHY ARE YOU POKING ME?!

**Noah Puckerman-**I dunno...cause I felt like it.

**Sanatana Lopez-**Wanky

**Draco Malfoy-**Shut up!

**Rachel Berry-**PUCK, STOP POKING ME!

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky

**Kurt Hummel-**#awkward

**Brittany Pierce-**Someone keeps poking me. I didn't know people could poke each other through a computer.

**Harry Potter-**Noah keeps poking me. :(

**Hermione Granger-**Noah Puckerman, stop poking me!

**Santana Lopez-**Wanky

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**STOP POKING ME!

**Ron Weasley-**Wow. Am I the only person here who hasn't been pokes by Puck?

**Noah Puckerman **poked **Ron Weasley**

**Ron Weasley-**FML

* * *

**Ron Weasley-**Everyone, change your last name to your soulmate. I wanna see this...

**Santana Malfoy-**Um...What the hell?

**Harry Malfoy-**WTF

**Brittany Weasley-**Have I been in a coma? Am I married? What's going on?

**Draco Lopez-**Sorry Harry, Santana...

**Ginny Hudson-**Hahaha

**Finn Weasley-**Umm...Ginny...this is awkward.

**Rachel Fabray-**Very awkward...

**Hermione Potter-**O.o

**Ron Malfoy-**Shut up, Hermione!

**Tina Malfoy-**Oh, come on!

**Kurt Malfoy-**What is this?

**Mercedes Malfoy-**Oh hell to the no!

**Noah Malfoy-**Umm, Malfoy, explain yourself.

**Quinn Malfoy-**Ahem, Noah?

**Seamus Malfoy-**WHAT?

**Fred Malfoy-**Oh my God

**Lord Voldemort-**Well, this is awkward...

**Ginny Hudson-**Um...Malfoy. Can we make a run for it?

**Draco Lopez-**Way ahead of you, Weaselette.

* * *

**Harry Potter-**Guys, I'm in love with Draco. :)

**Ginny Weasley-**What the hell?

**Quinn Fabray-**Harry, what's wrong with you? This is Malfoy you're talking about!

**Santana Lopez-**Correction, his name is ferret.

**Draco Malfoy-**Buzz off, Fabray, Lopez. Can't you just be happy for us?!

**Kurt Hummel-**What happened to Apple?

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**Yeah! What happened to dating Apple?

**Fred Weasley-**Potter and Malfoy sitin' in a tree.

**George Weasley-**K-I-S-S-I-N-G

**Ron Weasley-**What?! Harry are you fucking serious!?

**Sirius Black-**No, Ron, I'm Sirius.

**Finn Hudson-**FML

**Lord Voldemort-**SUP KIDS? VOLDY HERE! :)

**Rachel Berry-**Are you serious?

**Sirius Black-**No, I'm Sirius.

**Lord Voldemort-**SHUT THE HELL UP, BLACK!

**Stay tuned for the next chapter...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next instalment. Please enjoy! :)**

**Neville Longbottom-**Luna's middle name should be 'does'.

**Luna Lovegood-**The second half of that, Longbottom, needs to be changed, too.

**Quinn Fabray-**Stop it.

**Neville Longbottom-**That's not what you said the other night. ;)

**Rachel Berry-**Or what I said last week! ;

**Tina Cohen-Chang-**I can't believe you would do this to us, Neville!

**Harry Potter-**Wow, go Neville!

**Quinn Fabray-**Shut up, Harry. Neville, who else have you been mucking around with?

**Cho Chang-**Uhhh...

**Brittany Pierce-**LOL :)

**Rachel Berry-**Please don't say anything to Finn.

**Ron Weasley-**Hahaha. Way to go, Neville!

**Hermione Granger-**Ron, I need to tell you something...

**Mercedes Jones-**Yeah, I do, too...

**Ron Weasley-**Damn it, Neville!

**Severus Snape-**100 points to Gryffindor!

**Harry Potter-**Holy shit! Snape is still alive!

**Rachel Berry-**Oh, well spotted.

**Severus Snape-**Of course I'm alive you twit.

**Harry Potter-**But how? You died right in front of us!

**Severus Snape-**Magic, duh.

(**Draco Malfoy, Lavender Brown **and 18 others like this)

* * *

**Seamus Finnigan-**I set fireeeeeee to the raaaaaaaain!

**Noah Puckerman-**How did you manage to do that?

**Ron Weasley-**Bloody hell! You can blow up ANYTHING!

**Hermione Granger-**That's not possible.

**Professor McGonagall-**Mr Finnigan, I knew you had a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics, but this is certainly unexpected.

**Seamus Finnigan-**It's a song! I'm not that bad...am I?

**Noah Puckerman-**...

**Ron Weasley-**...

**Hermione Granger-**...

* * *

**Severus Snape-**I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like, forget you.

**Draco Malfoy-**I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like, my father will hear about this.

**Severus Snape-**Who's the girl?

**Draco Malfoy-**Um...who's the girl YOU'RE talking about?

**Severus Snape-**Don't play with me, Draco. Who is it?

**Draco Malfoy-**Um...Santana Lopez?

**Severus Snape-**Yeah right. 10 points from Slytherin AND Gryffindor.

**Harry Potter-**GRYFFINDOR? WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO?

**Santana Lopez-**I'm not even interested in ferret...#wanky

**Draco Malfoy- **-_-

**Mercedes Jones-**I thought you and Draco were dating?

**Santana Lopez-**Sex is not dating.

**Brittany Pierce-**If it were, Santana and I would be dating.

**Harry Potter-**...

**Ginny Weasley-**...

**Hermione Granger-**...

**Ron Weasley-**...

**Rachel Berry-***awkward silence*

**Kurt Hummel-**...

**Lord Voldemort-**SUP KIDS? VOLDE HERE!

**Quinn Fabray-**You had to ruin the moment!

* * *

**Brittany Pierce **likes hashtags.

**Kurt Hummel-**#What?

**Brittany Pierce-**#Hi Kurt.

**Ron Weasley-**#WHAT THE HECK?

**Draco Malfoy-**#Apple and I are getting married!

**Santana Lopez-**#WANKY

**Noah Puckerman-**#Stop hashtaging

**Harry Potter-**#WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!

**Hermione Granger-**#Are you serious?

**Sirius Black-**#no, I'm Sirius.

**Draco Malfoy-**#don't care

**Rachel Berry-**#SHOVE OFF

**Draco Malfoy-**#Grande Punietta!

**Santana Lopez-**#You're a big wanka as well.

**Harry Potter-**#What ever that means.

**Santana Lopez-**#WANKY

**Kurt Hummel-**#SHUT UP!

**Lord Voldemort-**#And here I am. Always the last one to comment on these things. Hi. #BURNNN #LOL WHAT'S UP BITCHES?

* * *

**Lord Voldemort-**So bored...

**Harry Potter-**What's wrong, Voldy? Why don't you go out and kill somebody? Are you scared of the dark? :)

**Kurt Hummel-**Maybe he's sick or something...that would be funny! ;)

**Rachel Berry-**Everything is funny to you, Kurt.

**Harry Potter-**Maybe Bellatrix and Voldy had a baby and Voldy has to babysit now. LOL, I can't imagine that :D

**Bellatrix Lestrange-**Uh, oh yes, my Lord. Let's have a baby! I'd really like that!

**Draco Malfoy-**Ew, aunt Bellatrix that's disgusting! You make me sick!

**Santana Lopez-**Douchbag

**Lord Voldemort-**SHUT UP!

**Harry Potter-**I can imagine Voldy and Bellatrix's child with a bald head and no nose! LOL

**Noah Puckerman-**HAHA

**Lord Voldemort-**Shut up now or I'll Avada Kedavra you! And I do not want a baby with Bellatrix!

**Narcissa Malfoy-**That'll be just awkward...

**Ron Weasley-**Are you serious?

**Sirius Black-**Yes, I am Sirius.

* * *

**Ron Weasley-**Hey Malfoy, I'm shagging your mother!

**Draco Malfoy-**WHAT!?

**Kurt Hummel-**What the heck?

**Hermione Granger-**Ronald Weasley! You did what?!

**Rachel Berry-**AWKWARD


End file.
